Insignificant

Let me start by explaining that what you are about to read is nothing but a glimpse at my real, honest and selfish life. But something in me is telling me I have to say it.  The feeling reminds me of the lyrics in the Anna Nalick song, Breathe (2am):

So. Go ahead. Read. Use the words however you want to. I just know I need to get them out. Here goes.

I have so much to be thankful for. But today, I'm praising Jesus for my insignificance.  Of all the stories you could hear, and all the reports you could read; today mine is the least.  It all happened yesterday.

I woke early to a hungry baby. Early enough to be upstairs before my husband and children left for the morning.  On his way out the door, my husband mentioned that a friend of ours lost her long suffering battle with cancer in the night. It was somewhat expected, but I was shocked none the less. Honestly, I was selfishly hoping to see her one more time.  She was (and is) the woman I want to become.  Strong, Loyal, Loving, Hopeful, Faithful, Hospitable, Honoring, Caring, you name it.  She was Jesus to me - and I didn't even know her all that long. And that's EXACTLY how Christians are supposed to be. Instantly Christ.  Not, "Let me get to know you before I love you, before I care, before I reach out." I have such a long way to go.  I miss her already. I grieve for her family, but in comparison, my loss is so...

Insignificant.

The day went on. It was heavy and weird. I had a project deadline. But due to a kink in communication channels, everyone was waiting on me, and I didn't know until I showed up "early" to an event that started an half and hour before. This; however, is the MOST insignificant thing that happened all day - and I let myself get stressed, and agitated as if my being inconvenienced bore any weight whatsoever on eternity.

The day went on. My life went on.

I had a few minutes to breathe in the afternoon. Both littles were sleeping, so I had a chance to catch up on important things like Candy Crush and the insides of my eyelids. Which was well deserved since we needed to have dinner early to go to basketball practice and see that my two older kids and hubby were packed and ready for a weekend trip to Tulsa.  I also had that little bit of down time because my husband left to pick up my oldest son after school and my daughter was riding home with a teacher and friend of mine after her 5K practice. My daughter waltzed in the house around 4:30 pm, and the hubbs and oldest man child arrived soon after because they had gone back to the office after school.  I had just started dinner. While visiting with my hubby in the kitchen, he got a phone call - there was panic on the other end.  All of a sudden, dinner, basketball, packing, and our few minutes of family time was so greatly...

Insignificant.

We were learning for the first time about an active mass shooting happening in Hesston, KS - the small town that has become such a big part of our lives. At this point, we could only guess it was happening at one of the factories in town since all the schools were already dismissed.  The more we Googled, the more we watched, the more we read and heard, the more we learned how "close to home" this event really was (you can read/watch more about it here).  

In the beginning our primary concern was for all our close friends and neighbors in local law enforcement. It's a little unnerving to see your friends performing their duties in photos and live video feeds - game faces on, and guns raised.  

Being very new to the Hesston community, our hearts went out to all those involved and affected, but we know so very few people yet. You see, our children returned to public school for the first time this year and we chose Hesston, even though we live in Newton, KS.  We chose Hesston because it's beautiful - in every sense of the word. 

Yes, it's a beautiful town, but its filled with beautiful people. We could not ask for a better community to help us as we raise our kids.  There are no words - OUTSTANDING might be the only thing that comes close.

As we learned more about where all the shootings started, my heart started wandering. It wandered homeward.  I mentioned that we live in Newton and we take our kids to school in Hesston.  The gunman also lived in Newton and traveled to work in Hesston. We travel the same roads.  The same roads where innocent people were shot. And then it hit me. My daughter traveled home at the same time the shooter was heading back to Hesston - possibly even on the same road.

I knew my daughter was safe - but I didn't know in how much danger she was earlier.  It started to consume me.  I had to know.  How close was I to losing my daughter? Did the shooter simply not take notice of their car or were they on an entirely different road? And why was I so concerned? I knew my girl was home safe - did it really matter? For some reason, it just did.  

I had so many questions, but this is what I know: 

GOD PROMPTS and GOD PROTECTS. 

My daughter had been at 5K practice at Hesston Middle School across the street from Excel Industries, the location of shooting.  She had to wait for my friend to be able to leave, so she was there even later than normal.  Had I chosen to pick her up, I'm positive I would have traveled the same way as the shooter.  Had my friend not needed to bring her home, she also would have traveled into danger. But for whatever reason, my friend thought it would be faster to bring my girl home via the interstate (It's not, BTW). But for whatever reason, GOD PROMPTED and GOD PROTECTED.

Everyone I loved was safe.  So why all the worry? Why the NEED to tell my story? I didn't know anyone directly involved, my story is a tale of "could have been" or "should have happened." It makes no comparison to the stories you could read about the injured, the dead, and their families. But here I am writing.  Here I am sharing my selfish little story.  Who am I to tell all of this like it matters?  It doesn't.  For me, it was just a day - like any other day, really. All I can do is give glory to God - to give him glory for my family's safety.  Today I'm praising Jesus how for how truly 

Insignificant I am.

All our love and prayers are with all the victims and their families. God be with you.