ONE

Thanks to everyone who participated in our little posting activity.  Prizes for our winners should be received some time within the next 6 weeks.

Here is your challenge today.  PICK ONE.  Pick your favorite one.  Your favorite GOOD about you.

In James, chapter 1:16-18 it says, "Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of fisrtfruits of his creatures."

EVERY Good is from God.  He brought YOU FORTH by the word of truth.  So you might be THE BEST OF THE BEST of his creatures.

So PICK ONE.  Pick just ONE of the many GOODS God has gifted you with.  Use the list, pick something else, whatever.  Pick ONE. Pick one GOOD quality you have. Name it.  Keep it.

Meditate on ONE.  Think about how you live it out, think about how your ONE shows up in God, in His stories.  Pray about ONE - ask God to show you.  FOCUS ON ONE.

Are you LOYAL?  

Search the scriptures (or just Google it for Pete's sake) to find where we read stories about GOD being LOYAL.

Are you HOSPITABLE? 

Are you NURTURING?

Are you DECISIVE? 

Are you TRUSTWORTHY?

Are you INTELLIGENT?  

Are you JUST?

Breathe, think, pray. 

Breathe, consider, pray. 

Breathe. Pick. One.  

Then tell me which ONE you pick!  I can't wait to hear from you.

Tell Me About a Time...

NONE of my stories are major life events.  Sure I have a really good one about the time I slapped Justin across the face before we were even dating, but still - It's one isolated event you laugh about at parties. Like the time Christy (names may have been changed to protect the innocent...or not) spent an entire evening in the fetal position with her aluminum foil-clad hands tied behind her back under the dining room table while her own guests continued conversing and snacking and helping themselves to her adult beverages.  She was helpless.  We all laughed. You totally should have been there. Good times.

I digress. OK Seriously here it is....

One day, God sent us away from our home "to the land that he would show us" - a full time church ministry position. From the first phone call to the final agreement, we knew this was not a perfect match OTHER than God was clearly telling us to go.  Leaving was so very hard - even if I didn't show it.  But honestly, {and the part I am so afraid of saying is...} STAYING is what became so much harder.

No one likes a quitter. But one day the honeymoon period was over.  "These people don't want us here. Why did we ever come here? What have we done? We left HOME for THIS? These people asked us to come here, they hunted us down and offered us a home and they don't even want to hear what we have to say. Why would we stay? Can't we just go home?" 

The answer was clearly, NO. We made a commitment.  We are good at commitment.  We decided to dig in and spread roots for three (3) years. So, if that's the case - let's build a giant playhouse!!

I mean, seriously - who would build a giant playhouse in their back yard just to up and leave it for the next people? NO. You build the giant play house because you want your kids to remember how AWESOME it was and how much you all LOVED IT. Yes. We can DO this! We began to build the ginormous playhouse....and within the week....the phone rang.

"Hi. Have you ever thought about planting a church? You have been suggested to us by a number of people and we'd like you to consider planting a church."

I can't make this stuff up.  Less than 2 days (ish) after we firmly committed against the felt odds to STAY, we get a phone call asking us to LEAVE. If you ever have wondered where irony comes from, look no further than the Maker of heaven and earth - He has it in spades.

"Yes, actually we have considered it in the past, but we just got where we are and we think we need to stay."

"OK.  Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to keep in contact with you.  If you were interested at one time, maybe you will be again, we'd love to work with you."

"Um, OK.  I guess."

<<fast forwarding through our life>>

Things are great!  This sucks.  We love these people! They don't even like us.  It so nice to be needed! Why do these people ignore us?  Oh, I think this is working!  Why don't they trust us?  We see things majorly improving! Why did we put so much effort into that?

Are we wasting our time?
How long is this going to take?
What are we doing wrong?
Should we just leave?
But we see so much value in what we are doing!

The back and forth was agony.  So much hope, so much disappointment.  So much progress, so little change.  We seemed to have so little traction and we just kept slipping (and the phone kept ringing).

Through all the up and down, the church planters still wanted us.  And maybe, just maybe, we could do it right if we had a clean slate.  We finally agreed to attend a Church Planters Assessment

Church planting is hard.  If a church planting organization is going to "hire" you to plant a church they want to make darn sure you've got what it takes.  Make a resume, answer these questions, fill out these online psychological surveys, and THEN, come spend a WEEK with other potential church planters in which we will intensively interview you in all areas personal, financial, pastoral, historical, marital, spiritual, emotional, and professional.  And make you wrap it all up really neatly in a skit to be performed in front of a live audience (I'm not kidding - the skit was a real thing).

It was possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  Talk about being brave. And you know what they wanted? Stories.  Tell me about a time when... If you can't answer, you go home. There comes a point when you are so worn down from all the questioning (and then they make you go bowling as a group when all you want to do is go to sleep - geesh) and wondering if your answers are what they want to hear at the same time as not caring a stitch what they think because they are the ones who asked US to do this - we didn't go looking for them, they came searching for us.  You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit.  But, in reality - who wants to mess this up?  Someone wants us?  We could have a reason to LEAVE?  Is God telling us to LEAVE?  What about all the ground we are gaining back home (I mean where we live, No - I mean HOME)?  Shouldn't we just STAY?

The questions came for hours and days: Tell me about a time when you struggled financially.  Tell me about your greatest personal failure.  Tell me about your greatest personal success.  Tell me about a time when you failed in ministry. Tell me about a time when you took a huge risk in ministry. And then there was this one....  Tell me about a time in ministry when you knew, "This is what I was made for."

You get used to answering.  Sometimes you thought, "I feel like my initial reaction is to make up something based on a hazy memory I've had and that's not what you're asking. I could find something, but it's not an aha moment." {Chantel Cherney, Slack Direct Message Conversation} But the answers (and questions) just kept coming.  Most of the time I could come up with SOMETHING - and they were pretty good about leading you right into where they wanted you to be so it was easy for you to clearly answer.  But THIS question?  I had never really even considered this event as something to be like, "HELL YEAH!" Until my guard was completely worn down and there the answer was.  And this one?  I knew.

Sure. Let me tell you about the time in ministry when I knew, "This is what I was made for."

And I answered, and they heard me.

And they understood me.

And they wanted me.

THIS was the answer they were looking for.

When the evaluation was over it felt as if this ONE answer is what told them I was also MADE for THIS: Church Planting.

Yes.  We passed the assessment.  We had what it takes physically, spiritually, emotionally, professionally, and the one area that would kill it all - the strength of your marriage - we passed it all with flying colors.  We were told in the final review, "Not only do we think you COULD plant a church, we think you SHOULD plant a church.  Would you PLEASE plant a church?"

We actually left that assessment and headed straight for an interview for a fully-funded church plant. We were offered the job.  We said no.  We came home, our new home, we loved our people, we let them love us.  We kept teaching - and a few of them started listening.  We kept planning and setting the bar high and eventually people started showing up.  Eventually we earned their trust.  We set our roots and let them run deep.  And we have the playhouse to prove it.

But THAT ONE question? That one time when I knew, "This is what I was made for?"  I get to do it here, everyday.  By God's grace, mercy, peace, provision, and genuine love - each and every day.  But the answer to that question?  Well. That's a totally different story.

A Story in Itself

So how did I even come to realize my AHa! moment?  Well, that's a story in itself - and I'm going to have to be brave to share it with you.

I'm going to have to be brave because I'm afraid that if I accurately share the details in this story some people may question both my previous and future motives and intentions.  I don't usually care what people think; however, letting my mind ASSUME what people COULD think of me (especially if I assume they MIGHT misinterpret my motives and intentions) can be extremely crippling.

If you want to see me lose my stuff, simply imply that I have questionable motives.  You will see someone who is easily enraged over the injustices of your opinion against my wholly righteous and noble actions.  I will become supremely, aggressively defensive and the likelihood becomes very great of you witnessing.......my ugly cry.

I HATE to ugly cry.

You know the situation has completely spiraled out of control when you see the ugly cry.

Nothing good ever comes out of the ugly cry.

EVER. Just realize YOU have crossed the line, do us both a favor, and walk away. Quickly.

BUT.  I'm deciding to be brave.  And just like "pain is pain" and "hard is hard" no matter what the situation, "Brave is BRAVE."  You may read my story and think I was being childish and silly for being afraid of sharing it (we can only hope it's that insignificant), but for some reason, I can't hardly even type it. And for what?

Just this week, my husband and I took our four kids to an amusement park. Our oldest daughter (almost 13) was in every line for every ride - the higher, the faster, the loopier, the better.  Our oldest son (11) was only in line for every ride he was comfortable with - the most predictable ones.  In an attempt to put him at ease, the hubbs began pontificating on the mathematical odds of him being hurt on an amusement park ride: "Say 25 people can ride it at once, and the ride is only 3 min long.  That means in one half hour, 250 people can ride it, so 500 people can ride this ride in one hour. The park is open from 9am to 6pm, that's 9 hours, so (asking the 11 year old to answer the equations as he goes) that means 4,500 people can ride this ride in one day.  So, approximately 135,000 people ride this ride in one month. This park is open for 10 months a year, meaning over ONE AND A QUARTER MILLION people get in line for this ride every year - and no one gets hurt. So logically, you should understand that even though you are scared, you KNOW in your brain you will be safe, so it's OK to ride even when you are scared. Right?"

So, here I am sharing this story with a group of people whom I trust and I just keep thinking, "...So logically, you should understand that even though you are scared, you KNOW in your brain you will be safe, so it's OK to {share} even when you are scared. Right?"


Did my kid get on the roller coaster with the 81 degree drop? Nope.

Am I going to stop stalling and tell my story? Yes.

It's time to be brave.

Hello, Spring Break!

Hello, my lovelies!

Guess WHAT?!  It's SPRING BREAK!!!

I'll be taking my time - going OFF GRID (literally to a cabin in the woods by a large body of water with a generator and a well pump with limited cell signal and no wifi).  Books, food, birds, trees, breezes, card games, giggles, naps - GLORIOUS.

I pray you are able to have a few relaxing moments as well over the next week.  Even if it's just a hot bath during naptime.  Here are some specifics I'd like you to ponder and even start writing about.

1. YOU ARE AWESOME!  You are awesome because God made you IN HIS IMAGE.  During our get-to-know you game, many of you told us what makes you feel awesome.  Maybe it was teaching, or parenting, or helping people.  I need you to think of ONE TIME in your life where you knew - THIS is what God created me to do, I was MADE for this.  It might have happened in college, at home, at work, in church, in an emergency situation, or during a vacation. The basic events and details leading up to and resolving from that moment will be the first story I want you to write.  Start outlining it now.  The hardest part might actually be being able to recognize that moment you are even looking for.  Take your time, ponder and pray about it.  He will reveal it to you!


2. GOD IS AWESOME!  Because we are made in HIS image - what part of GOD's character (give it a name) was in you for you to be AWESOME?  I shared that I identified with God the CREATOR. Maybe yours is healer, loyal friend, warrior, peacemaker, parent, prophet, teacher - the list goes on and on.  I not only want you to name it, but find in scripture where we learn about this characteristic of God (list book, chapter, verse). Soak in the scriptures.  Maybe you already know a story about God that you relate to, maybe you haven't a clue!  This is where our networking group can become so important.  None of us thinks we have it all figured out, ask questions!  Our goal is to not only get to know ourselves, but each other and ultimately God, Himself!

To recap...

1. Think of one life event to share with the group where you knew "I WAS MADE FOR THIS!" Tell us the STORY, give us details!

2. Name what part of God's character was IN YOU to make that event possible and tell us where the bible teaches us about this characteristic of God.

This is your first REAL ASSIGNMENT!!

God speed!

BULLET POINTS!!

FYI: I'm going to start dishing out bonus points for comments on my
extremely witty and relevant 90s/2K pop-culture references.

Alright.

I've been vague.  But I tried being direct with a friend yesterday about all of this and she said, and I quote... "Whoa. I need time to choke this down."

EXACTLY - that's WHY I've been giving you bits to chew on instead of shoving the entire already-cold-and-now-soggy-fish-stick-of-self-evaluation down your throat because I've refused to let you out of the highchair that is your own naivete until you GET IT.      

*awkward silence*

Alright.

Maybe likening you all to a stubborn toddler is not the right way to approach this (it's not, but watch me). NO ONE wants to eat the cold, soggy, fish stick because we literally have to "choke" it down. But....we might actually enjoy a warm crispy one if its delicately served to us in small bites on a spoon that somehow mysteriously resembles an exciting form of air travel.  So yes.  I've been teasing you a bit.

"Open your mind...."
"Open your mind...."
"This is wonderful...."
"You are going to like it...."
"Open your mind...."
"Here it comes....."
"Brrrrrrrrrrrr......"

Is your mind open yet?  Do I need to circle back and take a second approach? Possibly. So here goes.


BULLET POINTS!!!

• God made you.
• God made you in His image.
• Part of who God IS is inside you, part of HIS IMAGE.

• Do you know yourself to see the BEST in yourself?
• The BEST of yourself is GOD's image in you.
• Do you know God enough to SEE His image in you?

• God did NOT put ALL of Himself into any ONE person, but JESUS.*
• We are NOT God.  We are NOT the savior of the world.*
• We need each other to be ALL THAT GOD IS for His Kingdom on earth.*

*Many more thoughts on these points to come!!

One Bite at a Time

I just can't get too far ahead of myself.

My idea seems so big - too big to chew all at once.

So in an attempt to avoid the overly-knawed-indigestible-wad of ideas that will inevitably be discreetly discarded into Grandma Mima's napkins...

We are going to take this slow.  One bite at a time.

So, I'm first going to share with you my original response to the previous post because that's where this whole idea began (I promise for all you reds out there, I will try to move quickly onto the points that bring all this together - bear with me).

In the I Believe study from IF:Gathering, the one I linked last time (and you can find it HERE if you haven't done it already), the headliner is, "I BELIEVE God is the Maker of Earth and All that is Seen."

Following the teaching in the book they offer three simple response questions which I mentioned in the previous post.

IF you believe this is TRUE, what does this mean about:
1. God:
2. Yourself:
2. The World:

Here is what I had to say... (typed as-is from my chicken scratches in the book)

What does this mean about GOD?
God is CREATOR = God is CREATIVE
God is MAKER = God is a DOER/ACCOMPLISHED
God is DECIDER = God is DECISIVE
God's work He declares GOOD = God loves quality and excellence.

What does this mean about yourself?

Believing in God the creator is where I can most easily see myself to be made in His image. Creative, accomplished, decisive, lover of quality, striver for excellence.  He chose ME to bring him glory in THESE areas.  How HUMBLING (and amazing)!

What does this mean about the world"?

No one can deny the Creator God. No one has excuse. We must worship and one day ALL WILL worship the Almighty God!

__________________________________

It was uncanny - I looked at the first list and I saw myself like never before, in all my redness, right there in front of me.  But it wasn't me - it was GOD IN ME.  Me, made in HIS Image.  It made me PROUD to say I can "get sh* done" because that's how He made me.  But he didn't make me to be ALL of him.  He didn't make any of us to be ALL of him.  That's why we need each other so badly.

So, yea.  Maybe he did give me a little more get-it-done than you (or maybe you have even more than me).  But there have been countless times I've felt ashamed at what I didn't have.  Frankly, He left out some pretty important stuff.

Compassion? Nope.
Empathy? Nada.

Those are some pretty BIG things for a "good Christian" to have.  So many times I've burdened myself, blaming myself, thinking that I wasn't what God called me to be because the "feelings of others" are just never anywhere near the front of my mind. Like EVER.  (Granted, it's a skill you learn after having your foot surgically removed from your mouth a certain number of times - I can do it, but its not the way I'm CREATED).  And MAN did I feel guilty - A LOT.

That all changed when I looked at this list.  I was so humbled that God would model me after the CREATOR part of His being.  So instead of be ashamed of what I'm lacking, I know I just need to rely on HIM (and on His people) to help me grow in this area - to add this to my character.  And what He gave me was exactly enough.  I could stop feeling guilty about what I wasn't and start feeling empowered by what I was - HIS creation.

So, the first bite I really already asked you to take, is whether or not your know yourself.  The second is equally, and possibly more important...

Do you know God? Do you know Him well enough to identify what parts of Himself are put together in the unique way that makes YOU?

I found my list of qualities in the story of Creation.  In what other amazing stories that show us glimpses of God's character can you find your personal makeup?

This is the challenge - don't do it just for this "book" do it for yourself:

***Put together YOUR list of God's characteristics that are evident and natural to you.***

If this seems so vastly unknowable - do the hard work.  Get in the Word, read His stories, get to know yourself by getting to know the Father Himself.



{A final note: Being able to know what parts of God are in you will help you figure out the first of your stories I want you to tell (don't worry, I'll go first). Think about that one time, that one thing that you did or that happened to you when you knew, "I was MADE for this!" It can be because of an accomplishment at work or in sports, or success over an obstacle or knowing how well you handled defeat. The circumstances don't have to be life changing - relating your simple story and identifying God at work in it is enough to change the lives of those who hear it.

Yes, the stories we all hold close of loss, or suffering, or even victory over insurmountable odds are the stories we wish we didn't have (or may make us feel insignificant if we don't) - that's not what I'm looking for right now.  Yes, those HUGE moments define us, but we don't begin and end with them - we are shaped by all the little things too.  I challenge those of you with BIG stories - think of something small.  I challenge those of you who think you have NO story, you do.}

Are you In? Here is step one.

Do you know who you are?  Like REALLY KNOW who you are?

Self awareness is a gift.  If you don't agree I must emphatically argue that you, yourself, completely lack self-awareness.  If you were indeed self aware, you would know it's a gift.  How can you truly appreciate what you do not have?  So, If you do indeed NOT agree, I implore you, O human surviving on mere self-naivete, KNOW YOURSELF.

Take a test, ask your people, figure it out. So again...

Do you know who you are?  Like REALLY KNOW who you are?  

YES? - Keep Reading.  

NO? - Click HERE.  And HERE. *mind blown* You're welcome. NOW, keep reading.

So WHO ARE YOU?  How were YOU created?  How has the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-sustaining, God created you to complete his perfect purposes?

Before we put real words to these questions, let's stop here.

Close your eyes and take breath, a deep-cleansing, mind-clearing, soul-soothing breath.

Now, open your heart (and hopefully your eyes so you can read this) and ask God to show you something.  Head over to IF:Equip (link below) and take the time to read and respond to this short bible lesson on God, the Creator.  Soak in the words, watch the short video and respond to the following questions...

IF you believe this is true what does that mean about...

1. God:

2. Yourself:

3. The World:

When you are ready, Click ----> HERE <---- to access the study. Feel free to leave your responses in the comments, or just keep them close to you.  Trust me, you'll have plenty of opportunity to share more on this soon.

You Speak.

THIS.

"Stop waiting for someone more trained and more eloquent and more astute to speak. You do it. You speak." (Rebekah Lyons, IF:Gathering 2017)

THIS MOMENT was MY MOMENT from the entire IF:Gathering 2017.  It wasn't Jennie, or Jill, or Bianca, or Jo, or Ann, or even Ellie.  It was THIS. "...You do it. You speak." (Not to mention reading Rebekah's commentary on her instapost about this moment is inspiring in itself.)

Less than a week after this moment I found myself in a bookstore with this staring me in the face: Speak by Nish Weiseth. Not only was I had at the very one word title that grabed me by the umph and didn't let go, any back cover that starts with, "How would your life be different if you shared your stories rather than you opinions?" had to be read. Immediately.

I was happy to have the book in hand simply because of its premise. But I was drawn quickly away by my new sister, Annie F. Downs, reading her book, Let's All be Brave.  After completing it and being completely inspired, can I just say...

I'm not brave (which ironically is the very first line of Annie's book).

I'm anxious and scared. Terrified, actually.

I think God is trying to tell me something.  But the weight of that is really unsettling.  I am in no way questioning the message He is sending - but rather if He is truly the one sending it, or if I've just decided to distract myself from things of greater importance. Like my family.  The last thing I want to do is overlook those right in front of me for the apparent *more important* work of reaching out to the masses.  If I'm to minister to anyone - it's to them FIRST. (However, for the sake of the rest of this post, I am going to assume that this is indeed a message from the Lord - bear with me!)

I just keep noticing these little signs...

Look! Jo Saxton told me, "You are capable of amazing things. Yep, you."  And a couple scrolls down on my Instagram feed, Margaret Feinberg says (in such a fortuitously familiar font and color as if they are two parts to a single message to my soul), "Your words could change the world."

Halfway through reading Annie's book, I jumped and confessed when I wrote, That's a lot of me... earlier this week. So WHAT IF? What IF I really tried? What IF I really shared? What IF I didn't hold back - with my family first, my friends next, and maybe even one day a readership?  What if I TRY?

Then God spoke to me AGAIN through both authors.

"We walk through seasons that are filled with unmet expectations and potential for radical hope. Career path changes. Fertility Struggles. Illness. And it would be easy to hold quietly to those insecurities, to feign to the world that you are okay, you are in control, you have the power here...That's why we have to start. It's why we have to go first. It's why we have to be brave - so that others will be inspired to be brave as well." (Annie F. Downs, Let's All be Brave)

"Here, story, is the vulnerable sharing of your life experiences with others. It includes everything from the relationships you have with others today to the awkward moments in high school that you can't erase from you memory, no matter how hard you try. Your story includes how and where you grew up and the impact they both had on your life. It also refers to the mistakes you've made along the way. Sharing your story allows others to glimpse how you've been shaped, what matters to you, and why it matters." (Nish Weiseth, Speak)

AND If you happened to read the post I linked above, you might have noticed that Annie's inspiration for what in turn inspired me was from...Rebekah Lyons. The SAME Rebekah Lyons who Jesus used to speak to my soul the first week of February. See? S.I.G.N.S. Like stinking crop circles.

THEN (It never stops, really)

I suddenly had THE IDEA for what I would actually TRY to write about (which, don't worry, I will fully outline soon enough).

I was attending the first week of a 5 week study (from IF:Gathering, nonethless) at a home I had never visited, with a group of ladies I had never met.  I was invited by a mutual friend of the host via group text message - which none of the numbers I recognized save one who was unable to attend from the first character sent. And I almost didn't go.

I was quick to agree because the date and time were right, I already owned the study book (though it lay dormant), and Nicole was willing to drive. SIGN ME UP.  It was nearly a week later when I began second guessing this hasty decision:

What about my FAMILY?  We are so busy - which is a great argument for deciding to make time for a bible study, but its also lends to a compelling case to stay home!

What about my FRIENDS?  I have friends right in front of me and on the other end of my phone who need my time and energy too - why take away from them to pour into strangers?  But on the other hand, "PEOPLE?! Where? ADULTS?! Take me NOW."

After careful consideration and deliberation with the hubster, the answer was, "It's 5 weeks. Do it for 5 weeks."

I had met the host, Kim, at IF:Gatherings previous and was excited she was opening her home for others to learn how to study about Jesus.  SHE IS BRAVE.  SHE IS DOING IT.  SHE IS AMAZING. She looked at the people right in front of her and asked, "How can I show God to these people?" She has never led a bible study before and here she is DOING IT - because God asked her. And I get to be blessed by our unfathomable God through her and her sketchy AppleTV and her store-bought ChexMix and her tall stacks of mail on the counter in her multi-colored kitchen. Bless. Her.

Long story short (not really, I know), conversation turned to an enlightenment I had received while doing an earlier study from IF:Gathering. I shared, and one of the ladies across from me said, "Wow. That's really deep." AND NOW I WANT TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT!! (I know, I know, you don't even know what that is yet.  Hold your horses.)

So there.  That's how I got here to THIS MOMENT.  And truth be told, I don't really think the world needs to hear my stories.  I think the world needs to hear OUR stories.  OUR STORIES can blow minds, our stories will open hearts, our stories will change lives!  Get ready, You. Yep, You.

YOU SPEAK.

That's a lot of me...

Confession(s)...

I want to write a book. 

I want to write songs.  

I want to write this blog.

I want to have a book published.  

I want to have my songs recorded. 

I want to share this post.

I want people to love my book. 

I want people to sing my songs.  

I want people to read my blog.

I want my book to change minds.  

I want my songs to change hearts.  

I want my blog to change lives.

Reality...

I have no clue where to start. At this point, I have no storyboards, I have no score sheets, I have no followers.  Right now, all I have is....excuses.

I'm too busy with play dates and practices.  I'm too tired with a house full of toddlers and preteens. Aren't there enough books and songs and blogs?

I only have so much to give. 

But I still have so much to give.

It's just....buried. In there....somewhere.

I'm working my way through a great book, Let's All be Brave - Living Life with Everything You Have, by Annie F. Downs.  

Can I just stop here a second and say, "Annie.  Will you be my sister? This book has made me fall in love with you (and I'm really only half way through.) I want you to be best friends with all my best friends. I want you to come to my parties and do cartwheels with my daughter in the backyard.  I want you to come and tell your stories and be someone who is enthralled with mine.  I'm already imagining your ubercute facial expressions when I tell you something funny or exciting or unbelievable. You are already my people and we've never met. Thank you." {And yes.  I unashamedly trolled the internet looking for your lovely face to enhance my blog and new obsession with our future relationship. Everyone is welcome.}

Anyway. This. Book.  I'm already half way through and I can't imagine where it's going to take me next.  But here is were I am now: this blog, this post, today. Dreaming about the day when I will be brave and write that book, record that song, and lay it all out on this blog.  Maybe that day is today. Maybe today is the day to start digging up that "talent" the Lord has entrusted to me and make something of it.*

What if?

What if I took my love of writing and actually TRIED to write a book?

What if I took my skill for song writing and actually TRIED to record something?

What if I took all my ideas and laid them out for the entire internet to see?

That's a lot of me - out there for the great big world to see.

I think it's time to be brave.

*For the record.  The chapter that has me undone in Annie's book is completely inspired by a book she was reading called, Freefall to Fly - A Breathtaking Journey toward a Life of Meaning, by Rebekah Lyons. And here I am also saying, "Come on, Rebekah.  Be my sister. Please and thank you."

What can one accomplish with a dash of nostalgia and a pinch of motivation? Banana Puffs.

My latest baking adventure came about two-fold. First, I had three beautifully ripe bananas.  Too mushy for toddler pick up, and just nearly right for baking. I don't bake much, but I find myself dabbling in it more and more.  The last time I had bananas I also happened to have one small zucchini that needed used so a couple loaves of quick bread were in order.  But this time as I peered across the kitchen at the perfectly spotted yellow peels, I remembered....Grandma's Banana Puffs.

Banana Puffs were one of Grandma Naomi's signature recipes.  People across the country rave about her delightfully splendid banana puffs. They brought a taste of melt-in-your-mouth-watering-joy to all who visited and lodged in her care. Even just this fall, a lady in my church in the middle of Kansas was sharing how much my grandparents had meant to her and then she sighed, "...and those banana puffs." You never know where your family's legacy is going to catch up with you.

Growing up, I never showed much interest in anything domestic.  Baking, coking, sewing, (don't get me started on cleaning), and the like were never anything to tickle my fancy.  And the fact that I was married at such a young age, the skills were more developed on the fly as needed.  My husband taught me how to cook and my mother taught me how to sew when I finally asked her to help me sew a dress for my young daughter.

Of all the domestic areas, I did seem to progress well at cooking.  I have surpassed my husband by far on everyday cooking - he still is much superior to me with the large meats.  Need a turkey or ham, ask the man.  Need an amazing pot of chili or even a tasty batch of gravy, I'm your girl. But recipes? Please. I rarely use one.

Due to my affinity against measurements and menial suggestions for nonsense like time and temp - BAKING was NOT going to work for my lifestyle of spontaneous freedom-dumping and tasting until it's just right.  If it didn't come pre-mixed in a, "Just add _____." format, it never touched the bowl, let alone the oven. So between my inexperienced youth and my general disregard for exact science, I never had the wherewithal to ask for recipes. Ever.

So here I am this week, with perfectly peaked bananas, a dash of nostalgia, and a pinch of motivation. I group messaged a several of my first cousins asking if any of them had acquired the secret potion I so suddenly desired.  And behold!  By the end of the day I had received a picture of the recipe in Grandma's very own handwriting. *swoon*

I glanced over the requirements and I had everything needed - except a clean kitchen to work in, go figure.  So my bananas would have to wait.  As I implied earlier, I don't even like to discuss cleaning, let alone actually accomplishing it, so I was hoping my motivation would kick in before my beautiful bananas began to rot.  As luck would have it, the hubbs came home with all the motivation I would need.  He started sorting and tossing and hanging and dusting and moving and sweeping and washing and I followed him around pretending to look busy until the house was clean! GO ME! Then, he made dinner while I was out running errands. *uberswoon*

With dirt and dinner behind us, I decided to break out the mixing bowls and get to work.  I was happy that my daughter wanted to help.  We were able to experience her great-grandma's banana puffs together.  There we were measuring and mixing, checking and rechecking the cursive laden lines, and suddenly I was flashbacking uncontrollably.  I was almost dizzy.  I placed my face just above the batter bowl, took a long whiff, whipped my head up and exclaimed, "This smells just like my grandmother's house!"  The experience only intensified as the baking continued.

I was happy to revive this pleasant, aromatic memory.  Too often some weird odor* that left a bad taste in my mouth is what comes to mind first when I think of how Grandma's house smelled.  I have yet to figure out whatever it was, but I hate to admit that it has plagued my memory - until now! Now I have the sweet, sticky smell of banana puffs any time I want to recall my sweet (and equally sticky) childhood at Grandma Naomi's house.  *It has come to my attention that not all my cousins recall this awkard and slightly rancid aroma, so I am very happy for them and wish them the best, thankfull I can now share in the joy of a more pleasant sensory remembrance.

At last, the baking was complete, the puffs were cooling, and the mess had been cleared.  Now it was time to taste.  Had I done it right?  Would they be all I had remembered?  Had I over-glorified these mini cakes into something that would ultimately let me down in the dark light of reality?  The moment of truth came as I grasped one lone puff between my thumb and forefinger, feeling the sticky sugar topping on the warm crust, smelling the sweet banana infused goodness, and finally tasting....

Yes.

I had done it. Perfection. Instant joy. Mmmm Hmmm.

A Plea for Love

Two Letters...

To my dear friend (who doesn’t think or live like me),

Can I just tell you how much I love you?  Can I tell you that I think about you nearly every day because I wish I knew how to love you better?

Apparently, because I’m a “Christian” it’s not OK for me to say these things. And I am bereaved about this.  My heart is so broken over all the senseless fear and all the petty injustice, and all the lack of understanding among our people, our Jesus-loving people.

Yes, OUR people. Just because you live your life in a way that I don’t, doesn’t mean for a second that I think you don’t love Jesus.  He died for you.  He saved you.  You know it, and you love Him for it.

But that’s the thing.  We aren’t asked to just love Jesus.  We are commanded to love others as well. 

I’m not sure where most Jesus-lovers were on the day the second greatest commandment was taught – oh, that’s right: they were in Sin-Haters 101 down the hall. I hear they had better snacks. 

With all honesty and sincerity, I don’t know what to say. “I’m sorry,” does nothing to right the injustices. Mere apologies come far too short of eliminating unjust fears or excusing apathetic ignorance.  But I do have one thing to say. I love you. So. Much.

Do I have questions? Yes, absolutely.

Do I understand or can I sympathize? No. Absolutely not.

Maybe one day we will have a relationship where I can ask those questions in hopes that through those conversations I will achieve a compassionate understanding for you (and all those who think and live like you).

Until then, I love you.

That is all.

To my dear friend (who believes I think and live like you),

Can I just tell you how much I love you?  Can I tell you that I think about you nearly every day because I wish I knew how to love you better?

I have some questions for you:

Cannot all people created in the image of God run with abandon toward his son throwing off all the love lavished on them with such life-giving force to anyone they might meet in their path?  And above all of that, cannot all people created in the image of God do such a glorious thing no matter where they were born, or what they have learned, or how they have acted, or why they chose such a splendid life?

The answer is…? Yes! All people, created in the image of God can do these things.

So who are you to say they can’t?

With all honesty and sincerity I say, “I’m sorry,” but I can no longer sit silent and listen to your unloving, grace-voided views any longer – because I love you.

Because if I remain silent, I will continue in the course of bitterness, shame, and judgement toward you.  And then where are we? - Opposite ends of the same path, in my calculations. You against “them” and me against you. God forgive us. This. Has. To. Stop.

Where does love come from? 

Where do we find abundant grace?

You know the answers, Jesus-loving people, because you received these glorious gifts first hand: JESUS! He died for you. He saved you. You know it. And you love Him for it.

But that’s the thing.  We aren’t asked to just love Jesus.  We are commanded to love others as well. 

We don’t just receive love and grace abundantly from our Jesus, we are to sling it around dousing and drenching everyone in our path with it so that they can have just a taste of what we have been freely given.  Instead we hoard it and hide it and pour cute little cups of it at the county fair parade. 

We show it off to our friends and keep a firm grasp on it from our enemies. We do this because we are human. But God calls us to be so much more than human. He calls us to be holy.

I am not exempt from these charges.  I am among the worst. And I am bereaved about this.  My heart is so broken over all the senseless fear and all the petty injustice, and all the lack of understanding among our people, our Jesus-loving people.

Maybe one day we will have a relationship in which we can speak with security and abandon about our differences in our political views, or stances on the world, and our nuances in theology and not fear judgement or ridicule or (heaven-forbid) questioning each other’s salvation. Because these differences should not separate us, or divide our people into “us” and “them,” it should spur us on to conversations laden with love and grace that free our hearts through the power of the Holy Spirit into new ways of thinking for ourselves – instead of being blindly shackled and enslaved to what we’ve been merely told to think in the past. 

Please think. Please search. Please love.

Until then, I love you.

That is all.