1. Decide that Facebook is ruining your life.
Whether its ruining your productivity, your mood, your real-life relationships, your worldview, your mindset, or your data plan - understanding is the first step to recovery.
2. Give a courtesy shout-out that you won't be around.
Tell people how you can be reached whether it's through text, or FB messenger. Who knows if people will actually know you are taking a break if your little note doesn't reach their feed, but it will be on your wall if they decide to check to see if you died or something.
3. DELETE THE FACEBOOK APP FROM ALL YOUR DEVICES.Don't just hide it, don't just turn off notifications - DELETE the *curse word for illegitimate child.* The happy little blue F with the cheery little red dot doesn't need you. And you don't need it. ELIMINATE IT FROM YOUR LIFE - tie a cement block around it's ankle and throw it into the flooded, stagnant, bottomless pit of despair from whence it came.
4. Check your notifications via your computer about once a week.
Just in case this friend...
...accidentally tags you in this picture from some CrAZy party back in 2000....
And it totally isn't you.
My apologies (and sincere appreciation) to both the friend pictured above and the random person pictured here who has similar hair and glasses to myself, but hey - I'm not the one who put these pictures on the internet for anyone to right click and save as for the purpose of making an overstated point on her obscure blog.
5. Choose an alternative place to express yourself such as Instagram
Who doesn't love cute, happy pictures and inspirational memes? It only takes a second to see everything you've missed and people don't whine and complain or go on political rants or send you game requests or home party invites or invite you to join their pointless causes, or insult you with their worldly/biblical opinions that carry no weight in the realm of eternity. If your Facebook friends really want to know what you are up to, they can see all your happy/cheesy/inspirational moments on your Instagram profile. You can also share these moments to Facebook without actually GOING to Facebook. But that might seem like you are ON Facebook, when you aren't, so be choosy.
6. If you start missing your friends...
CALL THEM. TEXT THEM. PM THEM. Or, I don't know...GO VISIT THEM.
There is so much more to ALL of our lives than what we put on Facebook. We seem to know this about ourselves, but don't apply it to the lives of our friends. Do you really want to know what's going with your friends (or what's going on with me)? Dial the phone. Grab your car keys. Its the only way to really know and to really connect. Heaven forbid we replace fake, exaggerated, shallow one liners, photo clicks and thumbs up for true connections of our hearts, minds, and souls. Facebook just isn't enough. If you buy into the deception that Facebook is real, let alone enough, you should seriously consider taking that break you are researching right now.
7. Spend all your extra time playing Candy Crush
This step is self-explanatory.
8. Embrace the NOPE.
"Hey, did you see what so and so posted?" NOPE.
"Did you see that funny cat meme about coffee?" NOPE.
"Can you believe what she commented on whatstheirface's picture?" NOPE.
"Did you read that article about how...." Let me stop you right there. NOPE.
"Are you ready to come back to Facebook?" N.O.P.E.
9. Decide Facebook isn't ruining your life and log back in.
Let's face it. Your friends ARE on Facebook and they DO care about you. You don't honestly want to stay away forever - maybe Facebook NEEDS you. I mean, you are witty and clever and funny and inspirational, and people love to see pictures of your kids and your food. And you DO like attending home parties, and it's actually pretty good to know where your friends stand on sensitive issues so you don't stick your foot in your mouth attempting to be witty and clever. And that cause your friend is into? If you did a little research into it you might just find it would be worth the time and energy to invest. Who knows what possibilities await you just below that bright blue banner. Now get back on that horse and ride it.
