9 Key Steps to Having an Effective Facebook Break

Do you feel like it might be nice to sign off Facebook for a while?  Well, it isn't easy.  Facebook is addictive, and just like all junkies not only will you go through withdrawals, but it's also likely all your buddies still actively doped up on the same substance will start judging you for attempting to better your life. But if you are ready to commit to the arduous feat of news feed scrolling, notification checking, friend accepting abstinence - here are 9 key steps to having an effective Facebook break.

1. Decide that Facebook is ruining your life.

Whether its ruining your productivity, your mood, your real-life relationships, your worldview, your mindset, or your data plan - understanding is the first step to recovery.

2. Give a courtesy shout-out that you won't be around.

Tell people how you can be reached whether it's through text, or FB messenger.  Who knows if people will actually know you are taking a break if your little note doesn't reach their feed, but it will be on your wall if they decide to check to see if you died or something.

3. DELETE THE FACEBOOK APP FROM ALL YOUR DEVICES.

Don't just hide it, don't just turn off notifications - DELETE the *curse word for illegitimate child.* The happy little blue F with the cheery little red dot doesn't need you.  And you don't need it. ELIMINATE IT FROM YOUR LIFE - tie a cement block around it's ankle and throw it into the flooded, stagnant, bottomless pit of despair from whence it came.


4. Check your notifications via your computer about once a week.

 Just in case this friend...

...accidentally tags you in this picture from some CrAZy party back in 2000....

And it totally isn't you. 

My apologies (and sincere appreciation) to both the friend pictured above and the random person pictured here who has similar hair and glasses to myself, but hey - I'm not the one who put these pictures on the internet for anyone to right click and save as for the purpose of making an overstated point on her obscure blog.

5. Choose an alternative place to express yourself such as Instagram

Who doesn't love cute, happy pictures and inspirational memes?  It only takes a second to see everything you've missed and people don't whine and complain or go on political rants or send you game requests or home party invites or invite you to join their pointless causes, or insult you with their worldly/biblical opinions that carry no weight in the realm of eternity. If your Facebook friends really want to know what you are up to, they can see all your happy/cheesy/inspirational moments on your Instagram profile.  You can also share these moments to Facebook without actually GOING to Facebook. But that might seem like you are ON Facebook, when you aren't, so be choosy. 

6. If you start missing your friends...

CALL THEM.  TEXT THEM.  PM THEM. Or, I don't know...GO VISIT THEM.

There is so much more to ALL of our lives than what we put on Facebook.  We seem to know this about ourselves, but don't apply it to the lives of our friends.  Do you really want to know what's going with your friends (or what's going on with me)?  Dial the phone.  Grab your car keys.  Its the only way to really know and to really connect. Heaven forbid we replace fake, exaggerated, shallow one liners, photo clicks and thumbs up for true connections of our hearts, minds, and souls.  Facebook just isn't enough. If you buy into the deception that Facebook is real, let alone enough, you should seriously consider taking that break you are researching right now.

7. Spend all your extra time playing Candy Crush

 

This step is self-explanatory.

8. Embrace the NOPE.

"Hey, did you see what so and so posted?" NOPE.

"Did you see that funny cat meme about coffee?" NOPE.

"Can you believe what she commented on whatstheirface's picture?" NOPE.

"Did you read that article about how...." Let me stop you right there. NOPE.

"Are you ready to come back to Facebook?" N.O.P.E.

9. Decide Facebook isn't ruining your life and log back in.

Let's face it.  Your friends ARE on Facebook and they DO care about you. You don't honestly want to stay away forever - maybe Facebook NEEDS you.  I mean, you are witty and clever and funny and inspirational, and people love to see pictures of your kids and your food.  And you DO like attending home parties, and it's actually pretty good to know where your friends stand on sensitive issues so you don't stick your foot in your mouth attempting to be witty and clever. And that cause your friend is into? If you did a little research into it you might just find it would be worth the time and energy to invest.  Who knows what possibilities await you just below that bright blue banner. Now get back on that horse and ride it.

The ONE THING I need right now...

You could probably view this post in one of two ways: 1. A shameless plug, or 2. A cry for help. Both may very well help me accomplish the task at hand.

Nearly three years ago, my husband answered the call into full-time ministry with Newton Christian Church in Newton, KS. This was the culmination of a long, trying and yet rewarding process. He had already left his very lucrative career to return to Bible college and pursue this calling (you can read about this chapter in our lives in the previous posts "Can He, Will He?" and "First Fruits"). After months of prayer and consideration, we chose to say YES to Newton, KS!

Nearly three years ago, my husband had never lived outside the same rural county in southwest Missouri his entire life. We had deep connections with family, friends, church and community. We left these connections behind in hopes of creating new ones in the place the Lord would have us. Although difficult to leave, the thought of expanding our circle was exciting! But even with the hope of new friends and a new community - especially a new faith community - there was still grieving the loss of what once was.

Nearly three years ago, I couldn't tell you how much I would miss them. I miss spontaneous coffee dates with Christy. I miss crafting until 2am with Liz, Lori, and Charanda. I miss making ministry happen with Reg & Rhonda. I miss meaningful conversations about faith and life with Rob & Tammy. I miss making music with Bryce, Caleb, Steve, and Terry. I miss dropping everything to take lunch to Mindy or deliver a snack to Cheryl. I miss talking about babies, and kids, and education, art, and you name it with Izzie and Darcy. All these things have changed. Life is different now - but many of these things I've been missing have been reimagined!

Nearly three years ago, I couldn't tell you how much I would need all of YOU! Like how I love late night decorating sessions with Cari & Lisa or Lavonn & Adrienne. And toddler play dates with Chantel, Heather, and Hannah. I still get to make music, but now it's with Shawn, Clint, Joe and Jason. Those conversations about life and faith and family still happen, but now it's more often with Nicole, Brandi and Tori. But let's get to the point. I mention all of this to tell you the ONE THING that I miss the most - the ONE THING that not having anymore leaves me tired and weary. The ONE THING I would say I need right now...

A like-minded, unified strategy for raising my children who are a blessing to others as they become followers of Christ who bring glory to Him.

I heard someone recently quote Dietrich Bonhoeffer's idea that theology is best done in community. I unashamedly take that a step farther to say the theology of parenting is best done in community.

Why on earth would we attempt such a feat without seeking purposed, intentional support from our faith community?! Just as much as we should lean on our brothers and sisters in Christ to help us unravel the mystery of the Gospel and the scriptures in such a way for it to change the way we live, we should be leaning on each other to teach our children to do the same.

"Christians need other Christians who speak God’s Word to them. They need them again and again when they become uncertain and disheartened because, living by their own resources, they cannot help themselves without cheating themselves out of the truth. They need other Christians as bearers and proclaimers of the divine word of salvation. They need them solely for the sake of Jesus Christ." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

But PARENTING? That gets a little touchy, doesn't it?

There isn't a more loaded question than, "Hey, are you going to sign up for our parenting class?"

The looks on people's faces is more like I'm saying, "Your kids are horrible, and should be more like mine because I have everything figured out and obviously you don't or else I wouldn't ask you to join a parenting class. After all, parenting is the most natural thing in the world and if you don't already have it all figured out (like I do) then you obviously need a remedial course on the topic. The world would be a better place if you just learned how to put your children in theirs."  

But I'm not asking you to just come to a parenting class. I'm asking you to join a faith community of parents who have the same information and tools and who together can use them to raise a generation of spiritual champions!  

Can you join me? Please join me!  I need you on my team.  My KIDS need you on my team.  Lord knows I'm not going to get it right all the time - YOU can help me.  You can help MY kids.  My kids need big brothers and sisters in Christ who are looking out for them too.  We can do that for each other.

Imagine if more people in the life of your child had the same mindset and expectations when it comes to raising them up to be respectful, productive, reliable members of society that exhibit the love and grace of Christ to the world around them. Life would be supremely easier and absolutely more joyful if you had other adults investing in the lives of your children that you trust to uphold the standards and values you have for them.  It's not a fantasy. It can be a reality.  I lived it. Nearly three years ago.

But what about today? Who wants in on this parenting adventure together?  It's been many years since I studied the principles we are about to unfold on Sunday nights at Newton Christian Church. Many years and many children later!  Can you help me? Can we do theology of parenting together in community?  I need YOU.

Interested?  "Parenting from the Tree of Life" Class begins THIS SUNDAY (April 3rd, 2016) at 6pm at Newton Christian Church. Let me know you are IN! 

Find more information and RSVP HERE!

Insignificant

Let me start by explaining that what you are about to read is nothing but a glimpse at my real, honest and selfish life. But something in me is telling me I have to say it.  The feeling reminds me of the lyrics in the Anna Nalick song, Breathe (2am):

So. Go ahead. Read. Use the words however you want to. I just know I need to get them out. Here goes.

I have so much to be thankful for. But today, I'm praising Jesus for my insignificance.  Of all the stories you could hear, and all the reports you could read; today mine is the least.  It all happened yesterday.

I woke early to a hungry baby. Early enough to be upstairs before my husband and children left for the morning.  On his way out the door, my husband mentioned that a friend of ours lost her long suffering battle with cancer in the night. It was somewhat expected, but I was shocked none the less. Honestly, I was selfishly hoping to see her one more time.  She was (and is) the woman I want to become.  Strong, Loyal, Loving, Hopeful, Faithful, Hospitable, Honoring, Caring, you name it.  She was Jesus to me - and I didn't even know her all that long. And that's EXACTLY how Christians are supposed to be. Instantly Christ.  Not, "Let me get to know you before I love you, before I care, before I reach out." I have such a long way to go.  I miss her already. I grieve for her family, but in comparison, my loss is so...

Insignificant.

The day went on. It was heavy and weird. I had a project deadline. But due to a kink in communication channels, everyone was waiting on me, and I didn't know until I showed up "early" to an event that started an half and hour before. This; however, is the MOST insignificant thing that happened all day - and I let myself get stressed, and agitated as if my being inconvenienced bore any weight whatsoever on eternity.

The day went on. My life went on.

I had a few minutes to breathe in the afternoon. Both littles were sleeping, so I had a chance to catch up on important things like Candy Crush and the insides of my eyelids. Which was well deserved since we needed to have dinner early to go to basketball practice and see that my two older kids and hubby were packed and ready for a weekend trip to Tulsa.  I also had that little bit of down time because my husband left to pick up my oldest son after school and my daughter was riding home with a teacher and friend of mine after her 5K practice. My daughter waltzed in the house around 4:30 pm, and the hubbs and oldest man child arrived soon after because they had gone back to the office after school.  I had just started dinner. While visiting with my hubby in the kitchen, he got a phone call - there was panic on the other end.  All of a sudden, dinner, basketball, packing, and our few minutes of family time was so greatly...

Insignificant.

We were learning for the first time about an active mass shooting happening in Hesston, KS - the small town that has become such a big part of our lives. At this point, we could only guess it was happening at one of the factories in town since all the schools were already dismissed.  The more we Googled, the more we watched, the more we read and heard, the more we learned how "close to home" this event really was (you can read/watch more about it here).  

In the beginning our primary concern was for all our close friends and neighbors in local law enforcement. It's a little unnerving to see your friends performing their duties in photos and live video feeds - game faces on, and guns raised.  

Being very new to the Hesston community, our hearts went out to all those involved and affected, but we know so very few people yet. You see, our children returned to public school for the first time this year and we chose Hesston, even though we live in Newton, KS.  We chose Hesston because it's beautiful - in every sense of the word. 

Yes, it's a beautiful town, but its filled with beautiful people. We could not ask for a better community to help us as we raise our kids.  There are no words - OUTSTANDING might be the only thing that comes close.

As we learned more about where all the shootings started, my heart started wandering. It wandered homeward.  I mentioned that we live in Newton and we take our kids to school in Hesston.  The gunman also lived in Newton and traveled to work in Hesston. We travel the same roads.  The same roads where innocent people were shot. And then it hit me. My daughter traveled home at the same time the shooter was heading back to Hesston - possibly even on the same road.

I knew my daughter was safe - but I didn't know in how much danger she was earlier.  It started to consume me.  I had to know.  How close was I to losing my daughter? Did the shooter simply not take notice of their car or were they on an entirely different road? And why was I so concerned? I knew my girl was home safe - did it really matter? For some reason, it just did.  

I had so many questions, but this is what I know: 

GOD PROMPTS and GOD PROTECTS. 

My daughter had been at 5K practice at Hesston Middle School across the street from Excel Industries, the location of shooting.  She had to wait for my friend to be able to leave, so she was there even later than normal.  Had I chosen to pick her up, I'm positive I would have traveled the same way as the shooter.  Had my friend not needed to bring her home, she also would have traveled into danger. But for whatever reason, my friend thought it would be faster to bring my girl home via the interstate (It's not, BTW). But for whatever reason, GOD PROMPTED and GOD PROTECTED.

Everyone I loved was safe.  So why all the worry? Why the NEED to tell my story? I didn't know anyone directly involved, my story is a tale of "could have been" or "should have happened." It makes no comparison to the stories you could read about the injured, the dead, and their families. But here I am writing.  Here I am sharing my selfish little story.  Who am I to tell all of this like it matters?  It doesn't.  For me, it was just a day - like any other day, really. All I can do is give glory to God - to give him glory for my family's safety.  Today I'm praising Jesus how for how truly 

Insignificant I am.

All our love and prayers are with all the victims and their families. God be with you.

Perfect People

In conversation with a friend this morning, I made the comment that, "Perfect People don't have friends."  Unless you are considered a "Perfect Person," you probably don't understand this.  Raise your hand if you do.....

The truth is that "Perfect Person" you admire is seriously SCREWED UP.  Yes, they may be cute, or smart, or wealthy, or cultured, or fit, or have a great job, house, connections, marriage or even color coordinated children, but the truth is they are a flippin' mess. And the worst part? No one knows.

Growing up, more often than not, I was referred to as, "Little Miss Perfect."  I NEVER understood that. Why would someone call me that?  I KNOW I'm not perfect!!  I was never pretty enough, or smart enough, or talented enough, or motivated enough - why would someone call me perfect?  But the stigma remained. I wasn't perfect, and I knew it - no matter what other people said.

Let me tell you a story.

Something had gone seriously wrong.  I was losing it.  All of it.  I had just dropped my kids off at school and day care and decided I would park my car on the railroad tracks instead of going to work. It was more than a fleeting thought.  It was a near reality.  I called my husband, weeping.  I just couldn't do "it" anymore.  Something had to give.  By the grace of God, I knew better than to let go of my family, so we decided right then and there I would stop working. I was graciously given two weeks off with no phone calls or questions and I still had my job when it was "over."  During those two weeks I met with a counselor, and tried to move on with my life all while letting myself fall apart. And for the most part - No one knew.

One of the questions I had during my time of hurt and healing was, "What would I have to do? - For some reason people think I'm perfect, what would I have to do to show them I'm not? How far would I have to go to get someone to notice I'm a stinking mess? What would I have to do to get someone to actually see that I needed help?"

Parking on the railroad tracks was a good option.  Maybe having an affair, or getting drunk in public would have been decent options too.

And still, only a few knew I was even having a "hard time." And, for most of the few, they only knew because it affected them when I could no longer meet their needs. You see, because others believe that "Perfect People" don't need me, I need them. But the truth is too many people around them believe this lie that they don't have needs and therefore; in reality, what they don't have is friends.

Yes, they might be intimidating.  Yes, they might always look like they have all their *stuff* together.  Yes, they may even seem to brush you off at first.  But all of that is because the ARE NOT PERFECT and they know it.  They understand their own imperfections more acutely than anyone else and honestly, it can be crippling inside. Be brave.  Be strong.  Be their friend.

Ah, but if you ARE friends with a "Perfect Person," like actually friends.  Like you can tell them anything or ask them anything or rely on them for anything AND they feel the exact same way about you - PRAISE JESUS. You have and have done a wonderful thing. Because, let's face it, "Perfect People" can accomplish anything.  You need someone to come to your rescue when you are in over your head on a project or deadline? - call the "Perfect People." You need advice about parenting or finances or community relations? - email the "Perfect People." You need someone to take your kid to school first thing in the morning because you threw you neck out putting your hair in a pony tail - text the "Perfect People." They are already awake, with the chores done, and their workout completed for the day anyway.

Day ONE.

So, Iv'e been here before. It's the beginning. Day One.

How many days have been firsts? Numerous.  How many times have I started? Countless.

And is doesn't matter really, whatever I'm starting - I can give you a list of potentials, if you like.

First day of school.
First day at a new job.
First day home with a new baby.
First day after a big fight.
First day of a new diet.
First day of a new life.

We've all been there. TODAY, I'm going to do better.  TODAY, I'm going to start.  TODAY, will be different. TODAY is Day One.

A*freakin'* MEN.

{Wait? Can I say that? - Because that's how I feel about it.}

Does it matter what I'm starting? Nope.
Does it matter that I might not finish? Nope.

Each and every day is Day One.  Day One to give glory to God.

Bring it.

THE BIG NOPE

2016

Lots of people are declaring a WORD for 2016.

Joy
Hope
Resolve
Enough
Blessed
Wild
Patient
Love
Grow

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

My word for 2016 - NOPE.  Which is funny. Because I actually think it's kind of cool to apply a certain theme to your life.  It's there to help keep you on track. I admire those who attempt such a thing and I'm about to join the ranks.

NOPE.  It might seem like a negative word, but for me it's not.  Here's why.

In 2016...

Am I going to get worked up as much? NOPE

Am I going to worry as much? NOPE

Am I going to take things personally as much? NOPE

Am I going to be depressed as much? NOPE

Am I going to be self centered as much? NOPE.

Am I going to over extend my self as much? NOPE (and how do I do that? By saying NOPE more often).

Am I going to care as much? YES.

Am I going to love as much? YES.

Am I going to enjoy as much? YES.

Am I going to sit around as much? NOPE.

So where did all this start?  It started with a shirt.  I found this shirt while on a mini get away over New Year's with the hubbs.  He would have much preferred if the shirt said, "Yes, Sir!" but it doesn't. :)

I LOVE THIS SHIRT!!  It's comfy, It's cute, It's SPARKLY, It's sarcastic.  It's pretty much ME.

Now, I'd love to tell you that I didn't get all gussied up to take this one shot for this blog post, but I can't.  It was actually an entire ordeal I blogged about in THE SELFIE SAGA.  Check it out.  Give your little selfie a little smile.

So as we get deeper and deeper into 2016.  Here's to saying NOPE way more often so I can say YES to so much more!

The Selfie SAGA

As I have stated in the past on various social media I hate taking selfies.  I'm just not any good at it. But, alas.  I really needed a good selfie of me in a certain shirt for a blog post I was working on called THE BIG NOPE.  The entire post was inspired by said shirt.  Here is a selfie photo journal on the adventure I took getting the shot I wanted.

First, I had to gussie myself up.  I showered, brushed & blow dried, and put on makeup.  I found the right layers, added the desired tee and just the right pair of jeans.  I had somewhere to be in about an hour, so I dressed both babies and started snapping away.

Here's the deal...

1. My phone was almost dead so I had to start somewhere next to an outlet.



Eh. Not bad.  But...

2. I needed my shirt in the pic.



Oh, wait.  I need to smile. My face looks like I'm trying to look at my shirt through a reversed camera on my phone.  And maybe not smile, but you know at least have a quirky half smile or something.



Hmm.  What's going on with my freakishly deformed arm and double chin?  Oh, yea.  LOOK UP...



Better. But why is there weird shadow across my body. It's almost as if I'm holding both my arms up trying to keep a phone still with one hand, while not blocking the lens with any of my fingers and attempting to push the dang button with the same hand all the time trying to look as cute and thin as possible (That's No. 3, BTW).  Yea. I totally get why people spend their days doing this.

Not to mention, I always have a difficult time knowing where to look. Screen or lens?

Try again.



Not quite.

Try again.



Read the shirt.

QUESTION: HOW do people do this?  I want to see my face, and my shirt in the same shot with out weird shadows and without finger and arm cramps. ANSWER:  The infamous MIRROR SELFIE.



Again.  HOW do people do this?  I'll just try every mirror in the house... Hmm. It's a little warm in here.



NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. Just read the shirt.

THE SHIRT!  Maybe if I just snap a selfie of the shirt!



Too much face.



Light Bulb! TURN THE CAMERA - GENIUS!!
And maybe if I try switching arms....



Yea. That didn't work.


Hey. That one's OK.  But, then I realize, if I just want a picture of my shirt, maybe the best thing is to take a picture of my shirt. I pulled my outer layer off and meticulously placed it on the couch.







*SNAP* Oh, wait.  Toddler bomb (excuse me while I "redirect" my child elsewhere).

Is it hot in here?



Ah Ha!  This one's OK.

But it's not a selfie.

I really wanted a selfie. Man. It IS hot in here!


I slip my shirt back on and by this time, I'm ONE HOT MESS!! Different lighting, different wall color backgrounds, phone high, phone low, mirror here, mirror there, near an outlet, unplugged for two shots, plugged in for three, chasing a toddler. What in the world possesses a person to do this?!

I'm going OUTSIDE to cool off!

HOLY COW - IT's FrEeZiNg out here!!

Back inside.






Selfie with a crying toddler who's Mommy went outside for two seconds (or for two selfies - whichever one is longer).



Well, this has been fun, but it's time to leave.  Wrestling around a toddler, an infant in his car seat and two diaper bags hasn't done anything to cool me off. But being outside in the cold to start the car and strap in the babies has pretty much done the trick.  It IS cold, but I'm still somewhat HOT.  I know.  I'll run back in and grab my signature sweater and scarf. Perfect.  Except I locked the house as instructed by my local law enforcement as to keep serial robberies at bay.  OK.  Now, I'm actually cold.  I get my keys from the car, run inside and grab the goods.  I totally need a Diet Coke.

Back in the car, I thought. Hey!  While I'm at the selfie thing, I'll take one to celebrate the fact that I'm in the car and ready to go ON TIME. WOOT!!



HOLY. FREAKING. COW.  The lighting is perfect.  My hair looks great.



My children are properly restrained. THIS is why people take selfies in their CAR!



Ooooo..  I think I'll snap a few more!



SELFIE. SELFIE. SELFIE. SELFIE. SELFIE. SELFIE. OH. SNAP!



Celebratory Sonic Selfie!  Now.  On with my day.

And no.  I didn't get the perfect selfie for my blog.  But I got one that will work.  Does that bother me?