Decisions

Some time a few months back Justin and I decided that homeschooling our children would be in the best interest not only of our children, but our entire family. But today, today has been a hard one. Today is the day before public school begins. Everyone is running around town trying to cram in either their last day to purchase school supplies, or trying to savor that last summer day before the semester begins. Today, almost everyone in this area has something in common, something to talk about. The feelings of pressure and relief of a new school year starting are commonly shared among the majority of folks you meet. And then because we are some of the few that don't share that in common there are always those assumptions in conversation that have to be responded to. Conversations like:

Person we know: "Hey kiddo, are you ready to go back to school?"

My Child: "We have already started school."

"What?"

"We have already started school."

"Where do you go to school?"

"We homeschool."

"Oh. Why did you start so early" (person looking at me...)

Me: "Why not? It's hot outside, so it's either stare at the television or spend that time during the day learning."

"Didn't you want a summer break?"

"We still get to do all the summer things, but now we can take a longer break when the weather isn't so hot. Maybe we'll get to go to Disney World while your kids are stuck inside taking standardized tests."

OR

Person we know: "Who's class are you going to be in?"

My Child: "I'm in my mom's class"

"I didn't know your mom was a teacher. What grade does she teach?"

"All of them."

"How does she teach all of them?"

"We homeschool."

"Oh...Is she qualified to do that?"

"Well I am in the 2nd grade. I'm pretty sure she finished the 2nd grade."

Or my favorite:

Person in the store: "I bet Mom is ready for the kids to go back to school!"

Me "Not exactly"

"Oh, really? So you will miss your kids when school starts?"

"Not exactly"

"What do you mean?"

"We homeschool."

"Oh, I'm Sorry."

"Sorry for what, that you assumed I was ready to get rid of my kids all day everyday or sorry because you assume I have to spend all day everyday with them because we homeschool?"

"I don't know."

"That's OK. Have fun with those rising rates of premature sexuality among public elementary students."

At least that's how I fantasize how those conversations could go. (DISCLAIMER: These conversations are completely fiction and are not meant to represent any specific conversation I have had with anyone I know, least of all you - the reader.) But seriously. I only joke about it because its actually has been a little rough on me and being sarcastic is my number one defense mechanism. The thoughts really going around my head are ones like, "ARE we making the right decision," and "IS this best for our family?"

A few days ago we received a postcard in the mail from Jones' would-be Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Davis. Mrs. Davis is unlike any other Kindergarten teacher I have ever met. She is amazing. We know this because Jenna was in her class a couple of years ago. I must say that when we received that card I immediately began second guessing our decision. We loved her so much and prior to choosing homeschooling we prayed fervently that Jones would be assigned to her class. Well in a way, our prayer was answered. But at this point the "yes" only raised my doubts. I know God's will rarely looks like you'd expect. I was truly hoping to see that he would have been in anyone else's class. That would have sealed the deal for us. It would have been a sign that "yes," we have made the right decision. I guess that's what I get for not submitting our withdraw letter to the superintendent's office earlier. I'm such a slacker. If I can't even get one little letter sent off then how do I even think that I could homesch....Oh, wait, no I'm not. I've just been too busy spending hours each day actually educating my children rather than worrying about their education. Whew! Thought I was really blowing it there for a minute.

But as I mentioned, that one little "yes" we got a little too late - what does that mean for us now? It means that God is in control. It means that He has laid out His plans for us. And ultimately I think it means He is saying, "Whichever way you would have chosen, I was taking care of you." Thank you, God, for knowing my heart so well. Thank you for providing us with exactly what we needed for deciding what is best for OUR family. I pray that others are so yielded to Your Spirit to receive the resources needed to make decisions that are best for THEIR families.

I recently spoke with a dear friend of mine who has chosen to send her oldest off to Kindergaten this year. I think she's pretty SCARED OUT OF HER MIND. Just from what I can tell...Anyway. As I was going on and on about the decision we made and why we made it and why it was the BEST for us, I also wanted her to realize that they had made the same tough decision we did - they too had to decide what was best for THEIR family. She need not be afraid! She needs to enjoy the ride! (Joshua 1:9) So do you.

What hard decisions are you facing? At what intersection are you standing, asking God to point to you left or right? Know this. If you are living your life for the glory of God, you ARE IN His will. His will is that we live for Him no matter if we turn left or right. He will care for and guide you in whatever decision you make. But you must be yielded to His leading. It is not in our decision making that pleases God, it is in our surrender to Him everyday to carry out that decision for His glory.

Starting Out

Starting out. Making changes, altering the familiar. It reminds me of the line, "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." That is one of my favorite lyrics of all time.

Starting out. Adjusting your surroundings, Learning new things. So what is this new beginning, what will be the beginning's end?

Starting out. Embarking on a journey, laboring for something better. A new career, a new love, a new life, a new you. All of which come from the end of some old beginning.

Starting out. Do we not live in a constant state of starting something? We start breathing oxygen for the first time at birth, we will start to cease needing oxygen for the first time at death. We start our days, then we start to fall asleep. We start to feel hungry, then we start to feel full. We start to feel lonely, so we start searching for our soul mate.

Starting out. Why do we feel it's hard to start something new? Aren't we constantly changing hour by hour and minute by minute from the time we are brought into this world until the time the Good Lord takes us home? Why do we fear starting out? Why do we fear change? Isn't starting out just a constant part of life?

Starting out. What if we never started anything? Life would cease to exist. And not just physical life - the life we experience, the life that gives us joy would cease to exist. Had I not started to love, my family would cease to exist. Had I not started to think of what could be, my hope would cease to exist. Had I not started to believe, my faith would cease to exist. Had I not started to share my love, my thoughts, and my faith, my joy would cease to exist.

Starting out. What are we afraid of? Tell me. What are you afraid of?