First, I had to gussie myself up. I showered, brushed & blow dried, and put on makeup. I found the right layers, added the desired tee and just the right pair of jeans. I had somewhere to be in about an hour, so I dressed both babies and started snapping away.
Here's the deal...
1. My phone was almost dead so I had to start somewhere next to an outlet.
Eh. Not bad. But...
2. I needed my shirt in the pic.
Oh, wait. I need to smile. My face looks like I'm trying to look at my shirt through a reversed camera on my phone. And maybe not smile, but you know at least have a quirky half smile or something.
Hmm. What's going on with my freakishly deformed arm and double chin? Oh, yea. LOOK UP...
Better. But why is there weird shadow across my body. It's almost as if I'm holding both my arms up trying to keep a phone still with one hand, while not blocking the lens with any of my fingers and attempting to push the dang button with the same hand all the time trying to look as cute and thin as possible (That's No. 3, BTW). Yea. I totally get why people spend their days doing this.
Not to mention, I always have a difficult time knowing where to look. Screen or lens?
Try again.
Not quite.
Try again.
Read the shirt.
QUESTION: HOW do people do this? I want to see my face, and my shirt in the same shot with out weird shadows and without finger and arm cramps. ANSWER: The infamous MIRROR SELFIE.
Again. HOW do people do this? I'll just try every mirror in the house... Hmm. It's a little warm in here.
NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. Just read the shirt.
THE SHIRT! Maybe if I just snap a selfie of the shirt!
Too much face.
Light Bulb! TURN THE CAMERA - GENIUS!!
And maybe if I try switching arms....
Yea. That didn't work.
Hey. That one's OK. But, then I realize, if I just want a picture of my shirt, maybe the best thing is to take a picture of my shirt. I pulled my outer layer off and meticulously placed it on the couch.
*SNAP* Oh, wait. Toddler bomb (excuse me while I "redirect" my child elsewhere).
Is it hot in here?
Ah Ha! This one's OK.
But it's not a selfie.
I really wanted a selfie. Man. It IS hot in here!
I slip my shirt back on and by this time, I'm ONE HOT MESS!! Different lighting, different wall color backgrounds, phone high, phone low, mirror here, mirror there, near an outlet, unplugged for two shots, plugged in for three, chasing a toddler. What in the world possesses a person to do this?!
I'm going OUTSIDE to cool off!
HOLY COW - IT's FrEeZiNg out here!!
Back inside.
Selfie with a crying toddler who's Mommy went outside for two seconds (or for two selfies - whichever one is longer).
Well, this has been fun, but it's time to leave. Wrestling around a toddler, an infant in his car seat and two diaper bags hasn't done anything to cool me off. But being outside in the cold to start the car and strap in the babies has pretty much done the trick. It IS cold, but I'm still somewhat HOT. I know. I'll run back in and grab my signature sweater and scarf. Perfect. Except I locked the house as instructed by my local law enforcement as to keep serial robberies at bay. OK. Now, I'm actually cold. I get my keys from the car, run inside and grab the goods. I totally need a Diet Coke.
Back in the car, I thought. Hey! While I'm at the selfie thing, I'll take one to celebrate the fact that I'm in the car and ready to go ON TIME. WOOT!!
HOLY. FREAKING. COW. The lighting is perfect. My hair looks great.
My children are properly restrained. THIS is why people take selfies in their CAR!
Ooooo.. I think I'll snap a few more!
SELFIE. SELFIE. SELFIE. SELFIE. SELFIE. SELFIE. OH. SNAP!
Celebratory Sonic Selfie! Now. On with my day.
And no. I didn't get the perfect selfie for my blog. But I got one that will work. Does that bother me?
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