You Speak.

THIS.

"Stop waiting for someone more trained and more eloquent and more astute to speak. You do it. You speak." (Rebekah Lyons, IF:Gathering 2017)

THIS MOMENT was MY MOMENT from the entire IF:Gathering 2017.  It wasn't Jennie, or Jill, or Bianca, or Jo, or Ann, or even Ellie.  It was THIS. "...You do it. You speak." (Not to mention reading Rebekah's commentary on her instapost about this moment is inspiring in itself.)

Less than a week after this moment I found myself in a bookstore with this staring me in the face: Speak by Nish Weiseth. Not only was I had at the very one word title that grabed me by the umph and didn't let go, any back cover that starts with, "How would your life be different if you shared your stories rather than you opinions?" had to be read. Immediately.

I was happy to have the book in hand simply because of its premise. But I was drawn quickly away by my new sister, Annie F. Downs, reading her book, Let's All be Brave.  After completing it and being completely inspired, can I just say...

I'm not brave (which ironically is the very first line of Annie's book).

I'm anxious and scared. Terrified, actually.

I think God is trying to tell me something.  But the weight of that is really unsettling.  I am in no way questioning the message He is sending - but rather if He is truly the one sending it, or if I've just decided to distract myself from things of greater importance. Like my family.  The last thing I want to do is overlook those right in front of me for the apparent *more important* work of reaching out to the masses.  If I'm to minister to anyone - it's to them FIRST. (However, for the sake of the rest of this post, I am going to assume that this is indeed a message from the Lord - bear with me!)

I just keep noticing these little signs...

Look! Jo Saxton told me, "You are capable of amazing things. Yep, you."  And a couple scrolls down on my Instagram feed, Margaret Feinberg says (in such a fortuitously familiar font and color as if they are two parts to a single message to my soul), "Your words could change the world."

Halfway through reading Annie's book, I jumped and confessed when I wrote, That's a lot of me... earlier this week. So WHAT IF? What IF I really tried? What IF I really shared? What IF I didn't hold back - with my family first, my friends next, and maybe even one day a readership?  What if I TRY?

Then God spoke to me AGAIN through both authors.

"We walk through seasons that are filled with unmet expectations and potential for radical hope. Career path changes. Fertility Struggles. Illness. And it would be easy to hold quietly to those insecurities, to feign to the world that you are okay, you are in control, you have the power here...That's why we have to start. It's why we have to go first. It's why we have to be brave - so that others will be inspired to be brave as well." (Annie F. Downs, Let's All be Brave)

"Here, story, is the vulnerable sharing of your life experiences with others. It includes everything from the relationships you have with others today to the awkward moments in high school that you can't erase from you memory, no matter how hard you try. Your story includes how and where you grew up and the impact they both had on your life. It also refers to the mistakes you've made along the way. Sharing your story allows others to glimpse how you've been shaped, what matters to you, and why it matters." (Nish Weiseth, Speak)

AND If you happened to read the post I linked above, you might have noticed that Annie's inspiration for what in turn inspired me was from...Rebekah Lyons. The SAME Rebekah Lyons who Jesus used to speak to my soul the first week of February. See? S.I.G.N.S. Like stinking crop circles.

THEN (It never stops, really)

I suddenly had THE IDEA for what I would actually TRY to write about (which, don't worry, I will fully outline soon enough).

I was attending the first week of a 5 week study (from IF:Gathering, nonethless) at a home I had never visited, with a group of ladies I had never met.  I was invited by a mutual friend of the host via group text message - which none of the numbers I recognized save one who was unable to attend from the first character sent. And I almost didn't go.

I was quick to agree because the date and time were right, I already owned the study book (though it lay dormant), and Nicole was willing to drive. SIGN ME UP.  It was nearly a week later when I began second guessing this hasty decision:

What about my FAMILY?  We are so busy - which is a great argument for deciding to make time for a bible study, but its also lends to a compelling case to stay home!

What about my FRIENDS?  I have friends right in front of me and on the other end of my phone who need my time and energy too - why take away from them to pour into strangers?  But on the other hand, "PEOPLE?! Where? ADULTS?! Take me NOW."

After careful consideration and deliberation with the hubster, the answer was, "It's 5 weeks. Do it for 5 weeks."

I had met the host, Kim, at IF:Gatherings previous and was excited she was opening her home for others to learn how to study about Jesus.  SHE IS BRAVE.  SHE IS DOING IT.  SHE IS AMAZING. She looked at the people right in front of her and asked, "How can I show God to these people?" She has never led a bible study before and here she is DOING IT - because God asked her. And I get to be blessed by our unfathomable God through her and her sketchy AppleTV and her store-bought ChexMix and her tall stacks of mail on the counter in her multi-colored kitchen. Bless. Her.

Long story short (not really, I know), conversation turned to an enlightenment I had received while doing an earlier study from IF:Gathering. I shared, and one of the ladies across from me said, "Wow. That's really deep." AND NOW I WANT TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT!! (I know, I know, you don't even know what that is yet.  Hold your horses.)

So there.  That's how I got here to THIS MOMENT.  And truth be told, I don't really think the world needs to hear my stories.  I think the world needs to hear OUR stories.  OUR STORIES can blow minds, our stories will open hearts, our stories will change lives!  Get ready, You. Yep, You.

YOU SPEAK.